Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Facing the past on Mother's Day
8:37 PM

Facing the past on Mother's Day

To be honest, since my mom passed away when I was a kid I never made it to her grave. Back then I was just to young and maybe I didn't have the power to make it there.

I also moved with my father to a different area and the idea of visiting her faded. Not to say that my love fir her faded but fact was that I was busy with forgetting and leaving things behind because it hurt so much.

Ever since I kept myself busy with helping my father. If you've read my history you might know what I'm talking about. But I know in the end of the day it was no excuse for the fact that I've never made it to her grave in 20 years.

Last Saturday I decided to change it. I was ready to see her. Thousands of thoughts came to my mind and I was excited to do this step. The problem was I just barely remembered the place where she was resting and so The only information about her grave was my memories from more than 20 years ago. I've spent more than 5 hours and walked a distance around 16 km looking for her. Sadly without any result. And no one was there who I could have asked, since it was weekend and nobody was really working.

I told a friend about this trip. She is actually the only one I'm sharing my thoughts with right now. I texted her when I was there and that I was running around like a fool looking for her grave. She told me to contact the officials of the graveyard to get specific information on Monday. She was right. I took another round just to make sure I'm not missing any grave out and left the graveyard.

I was pretty sad that I didn't find her, but at the same time I was really happy that I was now able to face my inner barriers and made this step. Also I was quiet impressed by the look and the presence of this graveyard. It was a sunny and beautiful day, colorful flowers and trees everywhere you looked and there was this really spiritual feeling. I'm honestly not really a spiritual person but this place made me feel different in some kind of way.

Conclusion: I felt ashamed of the fact that I didn't make it there since the last 20 years. But I'm happy that I was finally strong enough to face it and made it. Face your fears and it will turn out to benefit - happiness!


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