Thursday, December 18, 2014

My Life before
4:10 PM

My Life before

I was born in Düsseldorf, Germany in 1982. We lived in a social deprived neighborhood with neighbors with multi cultural backgrounds. Violence and small crimes were the things we had to deal every day. But it didn't really bother me, I was a child and didn't know anything better than that.
The big apartment was left to my Dad's family.

My Mom got sick. She became asthma, really intense. She was really fighting with this disease with all kind of medicines. Nothing really helped, except other climates just like we had at our North Sea holidays. But my Mom didn't want to leave Düsseldorf because of my environment, my friends, my school... because of me.

Age 10. After school my Mom and I wanted to go the city to get me some clothes. We wanted to meet at 4pm at our apartment, right after her work. I was sitting at home waiting for her. 1 hour passed until the telephone rang, I picked up...
A man asked me if my Dad is at home. I said no. He asked me how old I was. I said 10. He told me that my Mom was very ill... I interrupted: I know - without really knowing what's going on.
He stopped for a second but than continued that he will try to reach my father at work.

From that moment my memories kind of blurred. My Mom was in hospital. She had an intense asthmatic attack, couldn't breath and fell between 2 parking cars so people around saw her very late. They told me that 99% of her brain died, and I said to everybody: "So she has still 1% left and there's still hope that she can survive it". Nobody was able tell this child at this moment...

My Mom passed away and I was like frozen. My heart was broken. But on the other side I had the feeling that I have to be strong for my Dad. He totally got off the track, he lost his better side and felt left alone.

With the years it got worse and worse. We moved to the city center. My Dad had was depressive, broke up contact with his family and I was left alone with him. He was drinking, he was drinking way too much, every day. We had loud discussions and big fights about his behavior from day to day. And as you can imagine, nothing helped. I even went outside in nighttime (age 14) to search my Dad at some bars around our apartment. Sometimes I found him but couldn't bring him home anyways, because he didn't want to leave. But most of the times I didn't find him and was worried all the time.
Sometimes he came home with bruises or and a black eye for some kind of reason.

Age 16. The apartment owner wanted tot talk to me. He wanted me to also sign the renting contract because my Dad missed a couple of rents, and if anything happens they could get it from me.
I had no choice. I didn't want to move out.
So with all the trouble and sleepless nights I already had, here they are, my first debits with the age of 16. And of course it didn't stay like this. My Dad was so irresponsible that in the end I had a debit of around 20.000€ without doing anything or being responsible for any Euro of this happenings.

At the age of 16 I started to work and killed the debit Euro by Euro. I moved out of the apartment I was sharing with my Dad when I was 21 and started to work as a freelance designer (I will talk about my education and career in another post) and business grew. I was able to up the debit faster and finished it when I was 23. But my Dad's life went more and more downwards... I tried to help him everything I can, but he lost everything ages ago and couldn't find back to life.

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