Monday, February 15, 2016

Soooo I'm back. And actually in pretty good mood. I was really busy handling work and optimizing the background for expanding the company. Not too interesting to tell but since I've had a meeting with my whole team talking about their leave days and the amount of the days they didn't take off. As an employer it doesn't sound too bad that that the staff only took 2/3 of their leave days. But I recognized that the mood of the people got really tired and it was like they were working with the last energy of their battery by end of 2015. So told'em that everyone has to plan their yearly vacation by the first quarter of the the year. So it's all plannable for the company and my colleagues will be fresh, healthy and full of energy (more or less) the whole year. I know I didn't invent something new... but to me it was an important step for the company. Being happy with this decision, I also thought: "Damn, if all the others plan their vacations already, I also need to do it." And here it comes... What can I do? As I still don't have a girlfriend or something like that, I have to plan things on my own where I don't get too bored after a while. I started researching and found so many things to experience, to do, to see... simply it seems like I missed out seeing what the world has to offer. So I decided I will make my very own, honest to death - Bucket List, just like my cousin Charlotte reminded me one day! I will start posting my Bucketlist on my Facebook Site soon... stay tuned
12:43 PM


Wednesday, January 6, 2016

It's been a while since I wrote my last post. It was mad hectic the last months since my company had to deal with 4 giant projects (for our size of company). We were barely able to breath or even get our head clear for other things. But it all went very well and we finished the projects on time.

Thank god I've planned a trip with some of my boys to Vietnam. My last vacation was more than 14 months ago... But to be honest I've could been smarter in the choice of my vacation trip. 3/4 of the trip we stayed in Saigon partying, eating, getting massages, eating again and hanging around. Did I mention that we ate a lot? Like really a lot! My homie Master P owns 3 restaurants in Berlin and is literally the food expert... he knows every spot in Saigon and orders the whole menu every time... I gained 4 Kilos in 3 weeks #fml.

It was good to see all the old friends from there. Seeing they all grow with their businesses as the city is evolving to a real metropolis. It really feels like this city will be the next Bangkok or Seoul. Energy, Industry, Gastronomy, Tourism Entertainment, Fashion all these things truly mad a big step since the last years.

The first 1,5 weeks was and fun but I soon felt my body wasn't able to handle it anymore, I need to get out of the city. But luckily we planned also a trip to Phu Quoc Islands, to a resort for 5 days at the beach where we did absolutely nothing. Full of energy we flew back to Saigon for NYE... one more night before heading back to Germany. NYE was descent, but not too spectacular... we really had crazier night on our trip.

And now I'm back... kind of jet-lagged still. And the normal work-life madness begins again.
But good to know that I'll be travellin' to Berlin and New York end of the month... ok it's because of work but still... I keep on travelling.
Let's see what 2016 has to offer...

2015 is over
7:16 AM

2015 is over

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Wow. I just turned 33 and the day adapted to the speed of my life... Because of client projects my life got really busy the last week, so was my birthday.

I got up early that day, around 7am to go for a quick bikeride and pack my luggage for a 2 day trip to amsterdam and london. After the ride I head to the office and finished a few things before leaving to the train station. Of course 'Deutsche Bahn' messed up and instead of a 2 hours ride we stuck in the train for 4,5 hours. So the result was we couldn't make it to our client and just had dinner at a more or less random place in amsterdam. So we (my businesspartner and me) decided to grab two ir three drinks at our hotel bar. Thank god we checked into a really good place so the atmosphere and people were really cool.
11:39pm - bday finished.

5:00am in the taxi again on the way to the amsterdam airport for 2 productions of 2 clients in london.
When we arrived london my partner met up with our team at the airport who came directly from our hometown to london. They left to their set. Me and the other client went to our set and the production day started. It was quiet nice having shootings in different locations in london. We were totally on schedule and finished our shooting at 4:30pm and were glad to be finished so early.
I called my other team and their schdule was the total opposite. Because of the traffic they were 2 hours behind, so I decided to take a nap at the hotel. 

My friend Simone from London set up a dinner for all of us, we were like 15 people, at a cozy place in east london.
It was a really great time hanging with feiends from london and the team, after that we headed to a nice bar, but since a the team was shooting all day, everyone was tired. We went back to hotel to sleep.

The next day some of us took some time to run around london, see some shops and enjoyed the sunny autumn weather until we head back to the airport.

I've had crazy days of work and just a quick as you've read these lines, my life just feels just as quick.
I don't think this is a good thing, right?

Age of 33 and still no break
7:44 AM

Age of 33 and still no break

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Puh, sorry for the lack of posts the last weeks but autumn is actually the busiest time in my company. Everyone wants to set up for christmastime and we need to figure out how all these companies get their products to their customers.

Honestly I can't complain about too much work, I've had other times where I wasn't even able to pay my own salary - knocking on wood.
But the rhythm of work and everything around it such as business meetings, dinners, drinks, chats and all that leaves a lack of private time to my life. And even if I have free time I'm busy trying to keep myself in a pretty healthy lifestyle to keep going. But I feel my head needs a timeout.
Or even more, I need time for myself.

Since I broke up meeting this girl, I haven't had time to really reflect what happened, get to myself and let me finish with this chapter. Hopefully I will find time soon and keep on going.
I still think of her... a lot.

Rhythm of my Life
9:47 PM

Rhythm of my Life

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Soooo, I'm really focused on work right now. This is actually the only thing that fulfills me and I must say it's really effective. We managed to raise our revenue again up to 150% from last year. I can't be more proud on my team, having the strength and effort to keep on going.
Through this financial success a lot of new barriers but also opportunities open up.
That kind of relieves me and takes a lot of pressure from my shoulders...

Just because I was so involved in my work life, even kind of hiding, I managed to not think too much of this girl. Yes... still her.
But every time just her name (even if another person is actually mentioned) my heart breaks a little. It's like a cold something running down my back.

Just last night I had this dream. Yes she was in it, although I tried not to think of her too much. Well in this dreams I found out she had a new guy... as you can imagine, it wasn't too comfortable for me in my dreaming situation. I woke up  with this bad feeling and realized that I scratched my teeth so hard a little part broke from my back tooth.
Well... I must admit, I miss her and still want her in my life... but what can I do? Things just seem to be over. My heart breaks a little again.

Dreams face reality
12:50 PM

Dreams face reality

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

When it comes, it all comes together.
Well the girl is gone. Worklife gets really hard right now, 2 of my dearest colleagues just announced that they will leave the company quiet soon. I even have the thoughts that I should close one of the companies... but I just can't leave the rest of the people alone!
This is too much for me right now... I need a get away and since I haven't been away for almost a year I feel that I truly need some time off. But at this point it is impossible for me to leave.

I'm really depressed with how my life changed. It shows again that all the money I earn is nothing compared to real happiness. Hopefully I am able to enjoy the real happiness one day.

And there is also a lack of affiliation in my life right now. To who and where do I belong to? German? Asian? Without family it's hard to find out because you are lost on your own. Wow, life is hard and keeps obstacles all the time. At this point I really miss someone with me, a family I could talk to, a person that I can rely to... or simply just my mom<3 . I miss her. 

When it comes..
8:03 PM

When it comes..

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Again her. 
You know I really wanted to leave things behind this weekend and decided to go out and party with my boys. Unfortunetly I've met this guy who's a friend of this girl, but I always had the feeling that there's more than just a friendship. However since months it was a little problem for me and she tried to tell me that there was nothing going on...
In the end I believed her.

Ok back to the weekend's evening: We went to a restaurant and I met this guy, he was together with a girl I knew... I said 'Hi' to him and then 'Hi' to her... I even had like 30 seconds smalltalk with her and left to our table again. Later that evening while me and my boys were getting drinks at the restaurant bar, this guy cam to me and said: "man, you are alsways late...", I was like: "Oh so next time I better ask you, so you know better" (honestly I didn't really get what he was talking about), and went with and said: "but maybe you're the one who's late"... he replied with "I'm never late. I'm always one in front of you!"

Mhh... it took me a while to think about it. And suddenly it came to my mind. Was he talking about girls? So was theere something going on with this girl? He must be talking about this girl.
The next day I couldn't resist confrontig her and the way she reacted gave me right. She stuttered and didn't reject it right away. She didn't even answer messages. I called her and just when I told her the story again and again and she felt more secure that it wasn't reaaally fact she denied.

In the end I must say, I don't believe her.
And that brought me to think even farer. Is there a reason to trust her? I mean I like her very much and I respect her as a person, but honestly there has never been a point to trust her.
She seemed to hide her life from me and everything, her iPhone screen is covered with anti-spy foil, I was strictly seperated from her friends... nobody excerpt her collegue knew I was existing.
It was like she was keeping everthing as a secret. I've never been a jealous person but when I have the feeling another person keeps herself busy hiding things in front of me, makes me really insecure.

So how do I deal with this. Well I lost thoughts about it and it turns out that it really hurts to have this lack of trust in a person you like. But on the other hand I'm like whatever... let it be, don't drive yourself crazy because maybe she just doesn't trust you.
And no matter what case it is, both ways are not a good base for a good relationship. This is one of the major reasons it didn't work out well with us until now.

Let's see where it takes me and how important the truth is for me...

The Importance of the Truth
8:08 AM

The Importance of the Truth

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Well I just got back from my business trip from Asia. It was really a good time and healthy for my soul to get out a couple of days just to experience something different.
But when the trip ended I was really looking forward to go home, cause there is no place like home. Especially I was looking forward to talk and see this girl... I might have missed her a little bit ;-)

The result wasn't really delightful - I landed in my hometown and took a cab to get to my apartment. She was the first person I called, but she rejected me as she was busy. It didn't feel good to me but as I can imagine how busy I can be, I thought that it was fine and could talk to her later.
I decided to have dinner with one of my homeboys and went to a restaurant... unfortunately she was there. She was really irritated seeing me there and this moment was really awkward. The conversation was really superficial and didn't feel like the person that I actually knew. She returned to her table to have dinner, we saw each other one more time... quite short and I left with a message on phone. We agreed on having a phone call the next day...

Right in the morning I wrote her, but she didn't reply. A few hours later I tried to give her a call, but she didn't answer. I felt super dumped and wasn't really happy with this situation.
Later that day she called... finally. The conversation started quite normal but still also superficial until the point that I mentioned that I didn't feel good with the happenings from the weekend.
Long story short, she decided to quit the thing we had and we shouldn't have any contact no more.
Bang... I didn't see that one coming. I was kind of shocked, but I always will respect her decision.

You know what? Usually I would fight for a girl, especially for this one. But as I know her, I believe that it is really better to leave her alone. I like her, I want her, but she doesn't want to...
Ever since when I'm on my bike, making a tour I'm having a german song on repeat that reminds me of her  with a special phrase:
 "Lass die andern sich verändern und bleib so wie du bist
Ich mag dich so wie du bist - ich brauch dich so wie du bist
Lass die andern sich verändern und bleib so wie du bist
So wie du bist - so wie du bist" <3

Stay as you are...
7:26 PM

Stay as you are...

Saturday, August 1, 2015

With my last post you can imagine that I was angry and had some things to clear with myself because she drives me mad.

Now a few days later, I thought I would be farer... what does it mean? 
I thought I would be stronger not to think of her and not missing her. But still I'm looking at her instagram & facebook account several times a day just to see her, to have some kind of connection to her and to know she is alive and she is good. still...
11:19 AM


Monday, July 27, 2015

The last few weeks we barely had contact and if we did our conversations we're like senseless and very superficial.
The more I was excited talking to her today and sharing moments that happened lately in her and my life.

I mean we didn't have the chance to talk to each other for a while and she still doesn't even know what my big plans are for the next weeks. Everything changed so drastically. And it makes me sad but also angry...
As I was pointing out that I feel strange talking to her like that she was like: See this is what I mean... you get mad all the time!
I was like: whaaaat? How can I get mad all the time when we don't even speak to each other, when you don't even answer messages and when you don't even care what's up in MY life.
There isn't even time to get mad.

I have to get over my anger now. God bless I'm going to crossfit tomorrow.

9:52 PM